No small piece here (and I don’t mean its length). I think I understand you to propose that the capacity for longing for connection and love be seen as sufficient ,well short of completeness, certainty, belief (“likely” not possible in any case) . A gift of our humanity and mortality, enough “light” to create the inevitable shadow of anxiety that, if engaged might show us the more of who we are and might become. Or is that still too sweet/complete? As always, thank you your thought and argument.
Wow! I have been taught for years by serious Bhaktis and wanted (anxiously) to achieve their sweetness and acceptance. But being the skeptic that I am, I've always fallen short. It's been frustrating that I haven't found it in me to measure up in spite of years of practice and hours, days and weeks of meditation and shoving my anxiety into the corner to put on a happy face. But what you've explained makes a lot more sense and, once again, given me a sense of liberation from the angst of trying to be something I am not. I can't wait to share this with my bhakti teachers and get their take. And, hopefully, begin a new exploration of bhakti and what it means to be a human being, shadow and all.
Thanks, as always, for your thoughts and heart, DB.
ah, yes...anxiety, fear, anticipation...there is nothing easy about being in a body. Robert Frost engages in this meditation in "Birches," in his usual oblique way. I do like his conclusion:
So much of my work with patients, and my work for myself, is to live with the nagas draped around us. If I make a place for them, like all other emotions/states, they are less bothersome. If I sit steadily and quietly, they are less bothersome. When I don’t entertain them, they are quieted.
I need them when I make decisions about what to do next. As a therapist, I know anxiety and excitement are very close experientially. I need to look at them very closely, tolerate both ugliness and beauty in order to discern how best to proceed.
When I look to see what actions I can take to relieve those suffering in our communities that are being crushed under pressure, I have no experience of any anxiety. When I see suffering I feel sorrow. When I take action I feel connection.
All emotions come and go. It is helpful to discern how to navigate, like seeing/feeling which way to lean on a surf board.
Anxiety is not so special. Fear is not so special, neither is fondness, delight, or love.
Being steady and clear is special. Like shiva with the nagas.
Douglas, I’m not sure what I would do without you. You are a precious gift.
My counseling supervisor gave me feedback from our entire team about my first 90 days that came down to I seemed anxious. My response was that anxiety and I are old friends. She didn’t seem prepared for that answer. I’ll also never forget the experience of our Ayurvedic practitioner teacher in yoga therapy training taking all of our superficial and deep pulses in front of each other out loud and getting to me last saying the snake permeated through my deep pulse (unlike anyone else in the room though I’m sure it happens to many). It was such an oddly validating and shitty surreal moment. Like meeting a twin you didn’t know you had but it’s you. I’ll never have the words for it but reading yours feels similarly inviting to the terrifying truth. My inclination (which I wouldn’t have the balls to do in person) is to express the simultaneous sentiments of 🙏 & in the most loving way possible 🖕because 🤣🫠. In any case I was thinking about the feeling of you telling stories when watering the plants my Nataraja dances in and I hold onto the memories. They are dear to me and I call on them when reading every one of your Substack posts and sometimes when I miss family.
I am wondering what the word “anxiety” represents. I have learnt anxiety is anger turned inward. I am curious to hear how you (Dr. Brooks) would define it.
I like to live in the Mystery (the Paradox), wearing anxiety and peace like coiled necklaces nearly (but not entirely) strangling my neck, like a mala, divine energies of perception thrashing me with anxiety one moment, and cooling my nerves (peace-style) the next.
Or anxiety is caused by the expectation of grief and loss rather than resistance to it. I believe some Buddhists at least would advise us to stay in the moment
Very meaningful,DB. Anxiety & longing rarely discussed in psychological discussions. My personal experience all these years has led me to acknowledge longing as a major emotional power. With your wise counsel I see how anxiety & longing; light & darkness - the shadow of the in-between has driven my emotional life. Thank you, my dear friend.
Thank you for this, Douglas! I partook of many Rajanaka sessions with you during the pandemic, and am glad to find you here on this (newish to me) platform. I couldn't agree more with this post. For me, there's a deep, societal danger that lurks in the search for perfection and resolution. Anxiety (another form of sorrow?) *is* the necessary shadow side of love, because it can check our human tendency to dominate or be dominated by others. Anxiety is what allows us to question our (collective) actions, to not be *so* sure of ourselves that we just steamroll over or allow ourselves to be steamrolled by others. Many followers of perfectionist ideologies claim "love" as their highest calling, and yet their actions prove otherwise.
No small piece here (and I don’t mean its length). I think I understand you to propose that the capacity for longing for connection and love be seen as sufficient ,well short of completeness, certainty, belief (“likely” not possible in any case) . A gift of our humanity and mortality, enough “light” to create the inevitable shadow of anxiety that, if engaged might show us the more of who we are and might become. Or is that still too sweet/complete? As always, thank you your thought and argument.
Wow! I have been taught for years by serious Bhaktis and wanted (anxiously) to achieve their sweetness and acceptance. But being the skeptic that I am, I've always fallen short. It's been frustrating that I haven't found it in me to measure up in spite of years of practice and hours, days and weeks of meditation and shoving my anxiety into the corner to put on a happy face. But what you've explained makes a lot more sense and, once again, given me a sense of liberation from the angst of trying to be something I am not. I can't wait to share this with my bhakti teachers and get their take. And, hopefully, begin a new exploration of bhakti and what it means to be a human being, shadow and all.
Thanks, as always, for your thoughts and heart, DB.
ah, yes...anxiety, fear, anticipation...there is nothing easy about being in a body. Robert Frost engages in this meditation in "Birches," in his usual oblique way. I do like his conclusion:
...Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to be better.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.
So much of my work with patients, and my work for myself, is to live with the nagas draped around us. If I make a place for them, like all other emotions/states, they are less bothersome. If I sit steadily and quietly, they are less bothersome. When I don’t entertain them, they are quieted.
I need them when I make decisions about what to do next. As a therapist, I know anxiety and excitement are very close experientially. I need to look at them very closely, tolerate both ugliness and beauty in order to discern how best to proceed.
When I look to see what actions I can take to relieve those suffering in our communities that are being crushed under pressure, I have no experience of any anxiety. When I see suffering I feel sorrow. When I take action I feel connection.
All emotions come and go. It is helpful to discern how to navigate, like seeing/feeling which way to lean on a surf board.
Anxiety is not so special. Fear is not so special, neither is fondness, delight, or love.
Being steady and clear is special. Like shiva with the nagas.
Douglas, I’m not sure what I would do without you. You are a precious gift.
My counseling supervisor gave me feedback from our entire team about my first 90 days that came down to I seemed anxious. My response was that anxiety and I are old friends. She didn’t seem prepared for that answer. I’ll also never forget the experience of our Ayurvedic practitioner teacher in yoga therapy training taking all of our superficial and deep pulses in front of each other out loud and getting to me last saying the snake permeated through my deep pulse (unlike anyone else in the room though I’m sure it happens to many). It was such an oddly validating and shitty surreal moment. Like meeting a twin you didn’t know you had but it’s you. I’ll never have the words for it but reading yours feels similarly inviting to the terrifying truth. My inclination (which I wouldn’t have the balls to do in person) is to express the simultaneous sentiments of 🙏 & in the most loving way possible 🖕because 🤣🫠. In any case I was thinking about the feeling of you telling stories when watering the plants my Nataraja dances in and I hold onto the memories. They are dear to me and I call on them when reading every one of your Substack posts and sometimes when I miss family.
So true. Thank you 😊 🙏🏼
I am wondering what the word “anxiety” represents. I have learnt anxiety is anger turned inward. I am curious to hear how you (Dr. Brooks) would define it.
I like to live in the Mystery (the Paradox), wearing anxiety and peace like coiled necklaces nearly (but not entirely) strangling my neck, like a mala, divine energies of perception thrashing me with anxiety one moment, and cooling my nerves (peace-style) the next.
Or anxiety is caused by the expectation of grief and loss rather than resistance to it. I believe some Buddhists at least would advise us to stay in the moment
Thank you for this Douglas. What occurred to me is that perhaps comes from our resistance to the grief that is inextricably entwined with love.
Very meaningful,DB. Anxiety & longing rarely discussed in psychological discussions. My personal experience all these years has led me to acknowledge longing as a major emotional power. With your wise counsel I see how anxiety & longing; light & darkness - the shadow of the in-between has driven my emotional life. Thank you, my dear friend.
Thank you for this, Douglas! I partook of many Rajanaka sessions with you during the pandemic, and am glad to find you here on this (newish to me) platform. I couldn't agree more with this post. For me, there's a deep, societal danger that lurks in the search for perfection and resolution. Anxiety (another form of sorrow?) *is* the necessary shadow side of love, because it can check our human tendency to dominate or be dominated by others. Anxiety is what allows us to question our (collective) actions, to not be *so* sure of ourselves that we just steamroll over or allow ourselves to be steamrolled by others. Many followers of perfectionist ideologies claim "love" as their highest calling, and yet their actions prove otherwise.